it’s like when you get hit in the face by a wave. and it had been so nice to drift in the rockabye motions. so gentle and sweet. i laugh to the wind at the rush of floating free. and then a big wave hits me and for a moment i can’t breathe or speak and mortality and the future and the ache of living wounded all scream at me. and i float shocked as it drifts away and try to find some ground to comfort my feet.

people who come out here more often aren’t so surprised by the ocean’s fluctuation. by it’s rushes of emotion midst it’s sweeter situation. i’ve just never been much for going where i don’t have control. i’m not sure it’s wise to do what they call “letting go”. how do you trust what isn’t solid and still? would i drown or learn to feel?

so i’m floating, fearful. looking towards shore. should i go back or stay and learn to accept more?

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